محادثة نظرية الانفجار العظيم

To Tim, and all 1.5-2 of the rest of you who have (probably not) wondered why my appearances on this board are sporadic these days, I would like to share my latest cause. After approximately 30 adult years of escalator terror, I have decided to follow my passion and have escalators wider than 2 feet across and 8 feet high banned. For the remaining smaller models, seats with seatbelts will be installed within a fall-resistant plexiglass (also helpful in preventing COVID!) chamber every 4 steps. When one is ready to board the mini-escalator they will simply push a button to stop it, enter the chamber, strap in, close the door and then push the button again to ascend. One additional feature of the new escalators will be leather straps affixed to each stair, so should one collapse and fall out of their chamber, they can still grab hold of the strap for dear life before plunging to their death. Firefighter trampoline-air bags will also be installed at the base of all models.

For those who scoff at this option, shopping malls, metro stations and airports everywhere will offer one alternate means of ascension: the Alpine Yodel-Staircase. In this case, you may take a specially-designed set of stairs, complete with snow-covered alpine back-drop, lederhosen (which must be donned to use this means) and piped-in "Price is Right Mountain-Climber game" yodel-music.

Friends, in this day and age when people are free to speak their minds, there is no reason we have to continue living like this. There is no reason we should have our shopping trips and travel marred by the knowledge of any upcoming brush with a staircase of death. Please join my movement at www.you'lldieifyourideanescalator.com or donate to my GoFundMe page. I accept small bills.

One last request (and yes, I know long message board posts aren't popular but it's already too long so too late now). I'm still in the elevator re-design phase of this project. Please feel free to submit your suggestions for additions to the traditional elevator to draw more people into them as well. Together we can stop this horror.

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They could install chrome bars that drop down in front of the step you are on. You'll have something to hold onto like an amusement park ride. AND the bar will push the people in front of you off the elevator. (My original idea was for the "jaws of death" at the top would open up wide enough to accommodate an adult human. I was told it was illegal. wimps.)

@Lemons said:

To Tim, and all 1.5-2 of the rest of you who have (probably not) wondered why my appearances on this board are sporadic these days, I would like to share my latest cause. After approximately 30 adult years of escalator terror, I have decided to follow my passion and have escalators wider than 2 feet across and 8 feet high banned. For the remaining smaller models, seats with seatbelts will be installed within a fall-resistant plexiglass (also helpful in preventing COVID!) chamber every 4 steps. When one is ready to board the mini-escalator they will simply push a button to stop it, enter the chamber, strap in, close the door and then push the button again to ascend. One additional feature of the new escalators will be leather straps affixed to each stair, so should one collapse and fall out of their chamber, they can still grab hold of the strap for dear life before plunging to their death. Firefighter trampoline-air bags will also be installed at the base of all models.

For those who scoff at this option, shopping malls, metro stations and airports everywhere will offer one alternate means of ascension: the Alpine Yodel-Staircase. In this case, you may take a specially-designed set of stairs, complete with snow-covered alpine back-drop, lederhosen (which must be donned to use this means) and piped-in "Price is Right Mountain-Climber game" yodel-music.

Friends, in this day and age when people are free to speak their minds, there is no reason we have to continue living like this. There is no reason we should have our shopping trips and travel marred by the knowledge of any upcoming brush with a staircase of death. Please join my movement at www.you'lldieifyourideanescalator.com or donate to my GoFundMe page. I accept small bills.

One last request (and yes, I know long message board posts aren't popular but it's already too long so too late now). I'm still in the elevator re-design phase of this project. Please feel free to submit your suggestions for additions to the traditional elevator to draw more people into them as well. Together we can stop this horror.

The title is worth its weight...! slight_smile

@Tim-Buktu said:

They could install chrome bars that drop down in front of the step you are on. You'll have something to hold onto like an amusement park ride. AND the bar will push the people in front of you off the elevator. (My original idea was for the "jaws of death" at the top would open up wide enough to accommodate an adult human. I was told it was illegal. wimps.)

In all seriousness, I think something in front of me that could be held with both hands would make me feel more secure than something that I can only hold onto from the side with one hand. I'm OK with escalators that are narrow enough to hold on both sides. Because of this phobia, I actually get dizzy once the escalator starts going up out of sheer panic and I think something in front of me to hold onto would make some difference. Like Lady mentioned earlier in this thread, I too fell down an escalator as a child, so there is some basis for this fear. Oh well, thank goodness for stairs and elevators! Maybe in a day or so I will start a new thread about one of my other many silly quirks. The show might be over, but I could probably keep this board going on my quirks alone for quite some time. joy

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