Discuss The 40 Year Old Virgin
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How do we help our real life 40YearOldVirgin Friends?????
posted by MrCharmingManSTAFFMOD on September 11, 2024 at 6:05 PM
How do we help our real life 40YearOldVirgin Friends?????
I have 2 friends who are literally 40yearOldV's and they are even pushing 50 now!
I've tried everything like hell to help them but they either always flake out in fear blaming anxiety, being too introverted, everything weak excuse in the book! I've invited them to everything from fun parties, bday bashes, clubs, bars, Vegas, Miami, Orlando, Hawaii, cruises, Cabo, Cancun, concerts, music festivals, etc. etc.
I've even spent literally thousands on even buying them expensive tickets to fun social events more so their cup of tea such as ComicCon, Anime Cons, all the other more their style of fun cons, only for them to flake out last second causing me to waste hundreds to thousands of dollars on them and not even bothering to show up for these events again due to the fear they have of knowing I'll make them/encourage them to meet chicks/be their wingman. I've even flown through the worst weather storms to show up for them whenever they needed me but again they won't even show up to a comic con event that I got tickets for them in the first place.
To get the obvious common questions out of the way, NO they are not gay, and if they were I'd much rather they be gay than what they are doing with their lives now. One of the reasons why I know is that they frequent strip clubs all the time and get ton of lap dances for they know the girls there will be easy to talk to and will be nice to them for obvious reasons. They are fine with Hooters, Twin Peaks, where the waitresses are hot and flirty and will of course only be nice to them. So they will go to places like strip clubs, Hooters, Twin Peaks ONLY because these are places where the hot girls are paid to be nice to you so theres no chance of rejection or a girl being rude/mean to them. There are other very obvious reasons why they are heterosexual but I won't get into that its probably what you are thinking yes its a type of addiction that they have that most say is unhealthy and it rhymes with corn. They go to the stupid awards show every year and brag about it as if thats something one should even admit to going to at all.
Whenever we talk we can talk for hours, but as soon as I mention girls or chicks in general they just get mad and make a BS excuse to have to go and hang up the phone. They are comfortable talking about pretty much everything in life (health, getting older, hobbies, sports, movies, tv shows, etc.), even others goals such as retirement, financial career goals, etc. , but as soon as I remotely bring up the over all topic of chicks they make a BS excuse and hang up the phone on me.
These are really good life long friends which is why I want to hep them, especially because all of our other friends pretty much wrote them off as lost causes way long time ago! All of their other friends are now pretty much married with kids who are now about to go into college even or onto their second marriage already. I never wanted to be like their other friends and just lose touch or stop being friends with them because they never achieved any type of relationships with women at all. Just to clarify they never had girlfriends ever at all, never been on a date, never even kissed girls before!
I've discussed this with a ton of people and everyone has their two cents but no one has found a solid answer as to actually help them?
Going back to this movie 40YearOldVirgin, Andy(Steve Carrell) gets all kinds of bad advice from all his co-workers which we know it's supposed to be a comedy, but essentially he's able to meet and land Trish who is basically won over by Andy pretty much just being himself a nice decent guy who's not a jerk or creep. But I think the big difference or thing that really even provided Andy in the movie a chance was that he was able to even go out and meet Trish at all. Even if it's just due to close proximity of Trish's store being close to Andy's work, the point is Andy went out of his comfort zone and actually made an attempt, a try, to meet and at least go for Trish. So with my friends they need to at least go out there and TRY to meet people and just GO FOR IT! They instead hide in their parents basements. Yes they still live with their parents with no desire to even move out ever.
Andy like my friends are introverts, my friends even have the ton of collectible toys hanging on their walls at their rooms that Andy has with no desire to ever sell them for money. But what differs from Andy and my friends is Andy didn't care for P*rn, nor did he really even have lust or whatever where as my friends are addicted to P and obviously would have a ton of lust and probably feel that by watching it and "servicing" themselves is good enough to get by?
Friend 1: Looks like Leonard from BigBangTheory, but with long 1980's rockstar hair. (don't know why he feels this 1980's rock star hair is cool??) What's funny is his name is actually Leonard as well but goes by Leo sometimes. LOL His parents are both Lawyers so he comes from a pretty well off family. He's a really good friend and helped me out in a bunch of jams, but he does have a temper, is really stubborn, really emotional and probably like bi-polar or something like that going on. He's a part time music teacher to little kids, I think they are like 1st graders? Does graphic design as a side hustle too, but seemed to do it not to make money but to try to meet chicks(wannabe models, wannabe actresses etc. ) Drives an older BMW hand me down from his parents, and still lives with his parents. They are divorced so he goes and stays with the dad mostly then the mom every so often. Tried to go off to college and lived on his own for only like 2 months and had a nervous breakdown and moved back home and lives with his parents ever since. He's always been quite insecure about his height sometimes blames that as to why he has no success with the ladies. But we all know Johny Galecki got mad hot chicks in real life he even landed Penny aka Kaley Cuocuo in real life too!
Friend 2: Looks like Kevin James at his biggest weight, kinda like in the movie Hitch with Will Smith. Ironically his name is Kevin as well but goes by Kev. Both of his parents are corporate executives for a huge conglomerate and medical company so he comes from a pretty wealthy family. He's a really good friend, really nice and this might be why he can't get girls because he's too nice and not assertive enough in going for the gold and closing the deal. He's a computer programmer for one of Microsofts companies so he makes really good money and is pretty smart because I'm sure most of us could not do computer programming for Microsoft if our lives depended on it right? Drives a pretty new Range Rover(his family all drive Rang Rovers for a long time so its more so his parents buying him this car verses his own style) Has always lived at home, never left, not even for college or summer camp. So his whole thing might be how sheltered he is since he's never moved out of his childhood home. He tends to blame his weight on why he's not confident to approach women or ask them out but the weight seems like BS excuse as he won't really try to lose weight and if he does he gets control of his weight and then just stops trying and balloons up all over again. He seems to really care too much what random strangers think of him or in public. Which is ironic because if he cared that much why not just permanently lose the weight and keep it off then? I think because of the way he looks, most assume he's like a 50 year old dad with 12 year old twins or something already. He dresses like Jared from Subway.
Both of these guys are really good people and really great friends and we all have insecurities as there is always someone taller, thinner, better looking than us, so it really is no excuse to not even try as we've seen some short guys with some really hot chicks and some fat guys with some really hot chicks all the time!
So yes please how do we help these types of friends out? We have tried everything in the book, outside the book and NOTHING has worked. Do you think they need to seek professional help like as in a therapist perhaps?
Reply by bratface
on September 12, 2024 at 12:07 AM
Why do you find it necessary that they 'hook up' with anyone? Maybe they really are happy with their lives! Not everyone needs to be in a relationship to be content.
Reply by MrCharmingMan
on September 12, 2024 at 1:42 AM
It's not so much that they hook up but more so they are throwing their lives away by not even trying. Because of this they never attend any friend reunions, group trips, group celebrations, etc.
I don't mind that a friend tries and even crashes and burns at least they tried and went for it and gave it an honest run, but in their cases they don't even try at all. Can you imagine being 50 and never kissing anyone before? Never even been on a date before? Are you seriously telling me thats normal at all?
Reply by bratface
on September 12, 2024 at 2:01 AM
But WHY SHOULD THEY TRY? Just because you, your friends, & society says they should? Some people aren't cut out for any long-term relationships. At another time they might have joined a monastery? I personally think that you should STOP PUSHING THEM INTO SOMETHING THEY ARE CLEARLY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH!
Reply by rooprect
on September 12, 2024 at 11:54 AM
A logical point could be made that people who avoid relationships/sex/marriage are devoted to more important things.
Famous people who died virgins:
Lewis Carroll
Hans Christian Andersen
Elizabeth I
Mother Teresa
Nikola Tesla
Sir Isaac Newton (the guy who basically invented physics. Imagine if he was out chasing tail that day 🤔)
Reply by MrCharmingMan
on September 12, 2024 at 12:23 PM
How can you honestly say I am pushing them? Wouldn't you want the best for your friends? Wouldn't you want them to fall in love, know what it's like to be in love? Know what it's like to be a parent? Know what it's like to have your first kiss? Shoot get laid instead of just watching it in smut crap and being addicted to it like they are?
You yourself said you are a 71 year old grandma. Imagine you are a 71 year old virgin alone. NO ONE to visit you. NO ONE ever calls you. This is what you want for a friend? Get The F out of here!!!
Reply by MrCharmingMan
on September 12, 2024 at 12:28 PM
Yeah but you are bringing up once in a lifetime historical epic people who contributed great things to history and man kind. That is NOT what my friends are. They are your average joes. Are you yourself an older virgin? May I ask?
Please try to imagine you are like 75 years old and ALL ALONE. No one ever comes to visit you, No one ever calls you because you have NO ONE. You are all alone in your 1 bedroom apartment with no one to even talk to. How can anyone want this for someone they truly care about as a friend. We want the best for them. We want them to go out and experience LIFE. Their first kiss, their first time getting laid, getting laid at all. To be a parent, to be a grandparent etc. If one were to remain single because they never found their perfect match, then fine. Or if the one got an away fine. But NOT because they were too scared to even ever ask a girl out thats just horse shhhhh and you know it!!!
Reply by rooprect
on September 12, 2024 at 4:46 PM
Yea I totally get your point. My examples are rare (but fun to note). It really comes down to what they want, and if that's companionship then it's good of you to help them find it. It's very sad when someone misses out on the biggest emotional high in life: love.
No I'm not a virgin but I'm currently going through an aromantic/asexual phase. Maybe the last relationship was so amazing I don't think I can top it. Or maybe the feeling is that I made it thru my wild years without any permanent injuries, so I better quit while I'm ahead & focus on other goals. Whether I become the next Nikola Tesla remains to be seen 😂
In regard to your situation, believe it or not I faced the same issue once. When I was in my 20s I had a friend in her 30s who had never been kissed. It bothered her. I never tried intervening or setting her up on dates, but it crossed my mind. The thing is, I believe matchmaking is a doomed effort. It has to come naturally. Anyway she & I lost touch but I googled her once and saw that she's a famous humanitarian helping starving kids in Africa, never married so presumably still a virgin? So maybe in her case it's good that she never hooked up?
Reply by MrCharmingMan
on September 12, 2024 at 8:41 PM
Hey Buddy you are amazing! Please elaborate on everything you just posted if possible?
First off are you male/female? I don't want to generalize but I think we can all agree it's much easier for females than males, as generally speaking society has men chasing women and women pretty much say yay or nay. With being said women have the whole biological clock ticking deadline too that men don't have, I don't say thats always true but I get their points whenever anyone brings this up. I do think both men and women should try to have kids when they are relatively young and healthy just so that have higher risks of healthier babies and being healthy enough to play and be there for the babies till adult hood etc. But at the same time I don't think everyone should have kids, as we know theres a ton of bad parents to horrible parents out there who probably should have never had a kid at all.
I'm not even a HUGE fan of marriage I think its pretty flawed and unrealistic as most marriages fail and the odds and statistics show that its a broken highly fallible institution. But I believe in people finding the one or life partner or at least long term partner and living together or not and having a healthy relationship that benefits BOTH parties not just one.
But yes most people should at least feel LOVE or what its like to be IN LOVE at least once in their lives it seems if you don't life is kinda pointless or at least motivation less. Yes you do have people who devote their lives like your Mother Theresa friend which I do think is also noble and pretty much the only exception if one were to be so amazing like that, then situations like these would be a totally legit reason to live that way and go that route. I kinda see Angelina Jolie like that and like you, where she was much wilder in her younger days but now shes pretty much a full time humanitarian and adopted a ton of kids from all over the world and truly loves and cares of them all.
I think you made another great point on how your last experience was so incredible you assume all other future relationships will be so inferior in comparison, I think thats also a legitimate reason to why a lot of people stay single, because they always pine or know it will never live up to the one who got away!
But with all of those people you mentioned especially the scientists and inventors, they tend to be extremely intelligent and brilliant to the point where they are outcasts or cannot even function or socially interact with other more common folks in society, and that may be another reason why they all stayed single and virgins, but again thats not how my friends are. My friends are average joes with average jobs/lives situations. They just have way too many BS excuses as to why they are the way they are. I mean if one is not extremely physically challenged/or like I guess hooked up to a machine to even breathe and live, then there's really no excuse why they can't go out and TRY to meet people. I think even those extremely physically challenged people still even use the internet to meet chicks and probably have done far more than my friends, sadly.
Reply by wonder2wonder
on September 12, 2024 at 11:29 PM
When a genius starts dating (watch until the end) - videoclip
Reply by bratface
on September 13, 2024 at 4:11 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFbcpLpm8WU
Reply by rooprect
on September 13, 2024 at 11:20 AM
PURE. GOLD. 😂😂😂😂😂
Reply by rooprect
on September 13, 2024 at 11:59 AM
Deep thoughts my friend! It's tricky separating the doers from the average joes, but you're right it makes a world of difference what kind of ambition a person has. I hate it whenever I hear of some exceptional person (entertainer, athlete, etc) who retires from the game "to focus on family". It's like aw how lame, they were destined for so much more. But the flip side is the average joe camp where they can contribute the most by being a good husband, wife, parent, rather than running around chasing windmills and dying lonely.
Elaborations...... me I'm a dude. I gather you & I are about the same age or maybe I'm a hair younger because I didn't see Magnum until it was in syndication. My female friend was about 10 years older, and in case you didn't already guess yes there was a little sexual what-if lingering between us. If my life were a bad romcom (which I haven't ruled out yet) she & I would've had an awkward hookup and resulting hijinks, but luckily no dice. I do think her being a virgin pushed her into activism more, or at the very least she wasn't distracted with relationships so she had more time to devote to bigger things.
And all joking about geniuses aside, I think that's what it comes down to: how a person fills the hours of a day. A relationship takes up a ton of time, I'd say at least 1/3 to half your waking hours which can add up. Not to mention there are so many career compromises that we make when we're in a relationship. Can't exactly "fly off to Rome at a moments notice" as Harry told Sally. But by that same argument, if the person has nothing to fill the hours of the day, especially later in life, it can be pure hell to be alone staring at the clock on the wall. That's why I'm tending toward you helping your aging virgin friend in finding a relationship or at least a hookup to say he did.
Are you in a relationship, and what are your thoughts regarding your own life? If you're in a relationship, is it the kind you mentioned: "finding the one or life partner or at least long term partner and living together or not and having a healthy relationship that benefits BOTH parties not just one." That is the golden ticket. Going back to creative geniuses, there have been tons of great achievers who succeeded only after they found the support of a soulmate. Just last night I saw a Bogie/Bacall movie and went down the rabbit hole reading about how Bogie supported her when it looked like her career was fizzling out, he got her some good roles and the 2 of them together lit up Hollywood. So relationships/marriage aren't always fighting against ambition; sometimes like you said there are benefits both ways.
Not gonna lie, I would leap at a Bogie/Bacall match lol. Although I haven't been active in a while I'm sorta in the entertainment line, nothing exciting mostly technical production stuff although I've been on screen, and I've always wanted to hitch my trailer to another rising star. That describes the last relationship I mentioned, we were both in entertainment so it was a romantic match as well as career. It kinda set the bar pretty high, so how can I follow that? By not even trying lol
Reply by genplant29
on September 13, 2024 at 12:31 PM
@MrCharmingMan, I realize, full well, that everything you've stated is fully well meant...but it's you wanting everyone to live your life and you considering it unfathomable that they're not or that maybe they don't in the least bit want to.
PS: You spending hundreds, or thousands, or hundreds of thousands on them, largely to play matchmaker (which they don't seem/sound to have asked you to do, and which they may have viewed your unusually generous efforts as off-putting and suffocating) then getting stiffed, or/and thereafter being avoided, is on you, not them.
Reply by MrCharmingMan
on September 13, 2024 at 2:19 PM
Hey bro thanks for your honest direct response and feedback. But I just want to clarify a few things. These guys are LIFE LONG friends, like we've literally been friends for 40 years! It's super rare as if you even talk to like 60 or 70 year olds most of them don't even have friendships that long. So just because I've been friends for them for this long I ALWAYS felt, I was failing them as friend since they were the only ones who ended up like that and a large part of it was our mutual friends never gave a DAMN ABOUT THEM AT ALL IN THIS REGARD!. It was like our mutual friends just viewed them as nonsexual, no hopers from day one, from like age 16 to now in our 40's. A true friend would always look out for another friend in all aspects of their life(health, emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc.) to just PRETEND that they have no interest in girls or ever dating anyone is just absurd and mean. It's like saying oh screw them they are a lost cause.
Also for you to say it's on me and not them. We are friends we used to do everything together always hang out together since we were kids. That is what I am continuing to do as adults. So YOU ARE COMPLETELY WRONG! I carefully selected things that they love such as their favorite concerts, favorite sports teams, things that they are really into COMIC CON etc because thats what they love. They flaked out all those times because they knew I was going to encourage them to mingle and meet people(WHICH IS A HEALTHY THING TO DO) we are not meant to die alone in our parents basements RIGHT??? It's crazy that you and others get mad at me for being literally their last and final friend even wanting to help them. It's like we have a whole new generation of people who are INCELS who enable other INCELS and get mad at TRUE friends who even care enough to try to help them.
Reply by MrCharmingMan
on September 13, 2024 at 2:53 PM
Hey buddy thanks for sharing and elaborating. Wow your life does sound like a bad rom com lol you should write a script! So you worked in the Entertainment Industry too? I'm going to be honest with you and say I also did. So do you life in the SoCal area then for Hollywood???
I myself moved down here originally for this purpose. I've pretty much done it all. I am in SAG, I've done mostly stunt work, and primarily principal work in commercials just because we all know they are easier to land and pay way better, and the foods way better on commercial sets as you already know! I still do a project once in a blue moon but with the pandemic shutting everything down and then the writers strike after that I've not done anything industry related since wow I can't even remember. I've also dabbled in some producing, casting, and even talent representation as well. I kinda did it all but never really took things to the next level. (This would be an entirely different topic though.) This went from an initial dream goal to now just whenever I get a call and I'm big fan of the people in the project I might take the job. I've since pretty much been a full time entrepreneur ever since owning a few small businesses.
So you were doing like set crew work or post production? I know those post production guys make a ton of money. I knew this one guy he did post production for a ton of the FOX movies and FOX pretty much bought him a pimp condo high-rise right next door in Century City. It would be interesting though how alot of these guys might end up getting replaced by AI??
As for you and your female friend that is great at least for her and how she ended up doing all her noble work and causes. I think thats pretty much the exception. Although I don't think her being a virgin really has anything to do with it though unless shes in some super strict religious Nun program or something? Also a lot of married couples do traveling missionary work too where they even have kids of their own all living in some of the most remote parts of the world doing their missionary missions. She is 10 years older so I'm assuming her child baring days are over anyway. So maybe not for the purpose of having babies, but she could still have sex for other biological needs of course. I think it would be cool to have sex with an older attractive lady knowing you can't get them pregnant but thats a total different topic lol.
I'm assuming you are still perfectly able to find someone to eventual date on a serious level or even settle down with. I do think living in LA has its pros and cons. Pros being the weather is the best, and we always have a ton of hotties galore everywhere, but the cons, the fake, shallow, unreliable people, horrible traffic, high cost of living etc. But yes LA is always great for older people remaining sexy here and dating later in their older years when in comparison to the midwest or south of course. Wait so was she the one who got away or was that girl a totally different one? If so please elaborate.
Man I never knew the true history of Bogie and Bacall and how you said Bogie would help her get roles. I guess he did have all the power and fame back then to pull those string for her but Damn she was fine as hell. The pictures of a prime Bacall she looks like Fergie but way hotter! This reminds me of that Key Largo song by Bertie Higgins:
We had it all Just like Bogie and Bacall Starring in our own late, late show Sailing away to Key Largo
But yeah going back to LA/Hollywood and dating I dated a ton. You got everything out here from wannabe actresses, wannabe models, wannabe entertainment power players etc. Unfortunately it's like that even in real estate, business, pretty much all other industries as well. So what I found kinda almost too late was its good to have fun, date a ton of hot chicks here but obviously don't settle down with them and DO NOT get any of these types of girls pregnant. The more serious relationships I had was with girls who had nothing to do with the entertainment industry at all. They were nurses, engineers, medical field mostly and I almost made it a rule that they had to have no desire to work in the entertainment industry at all lol. This would weave out and eliminate any toxic BS drama and limit me to only decent women.
I've dated the same lady now for about 13 years now off and on and shes pretty much been the only one who's lasted as all the other ones either eliminated themselves or thankfully went MIA after a while. I think the pandemic itself really established who are real true friends are and any potential life long relationships we were going to have. The REAL ones actually called and checked up on you. While all the toxic ones didn't even bother unless they needed something from you.
I'm not exactly pro marriage due to the horrible divorces in my family and how they ruined so many lives. I just feel theres too much pressure and BS unrealistic expectations and the statistics alone show most fail then succeed. I am for finding the one, and having a serious relationship, settling down going half and half on a house, having kids or not if you want to.