Debate Dark Shadows

  • Her name is Victoria Winters

  • Carolyn suffers from undiagnosed bipolar disorder

  • The Collins’ have deforested Maine to keep their fireplace endlessly lit

  • Growing up in a Foundling Ward is proper training to be a governess

  • Victoria spends an awful lot of money on mailing stamped envelopes to herself

  • It seems highly unlikely that Roger would ever beget a child with a woman

  • There is no shortage of dodgy, older men pledging their undying loyalty to Elizabeth

  • A fortune can be made by canning sardines

  • Collinsport must be very dull if a trip to Bangor is exciting

  • A failed artist can afford a sizable two bedroom cottage in town

  • The hotel diner thrives by giving away sundaes and serving lousy coffee

  • No one questions a middle aged man entertaining a 9 year old boy in his hotel room alone

  • Vehicular manslaughter only rates five years in prison

  • Ex-convicts can amass a fortune in South America in under five years

  • Ellizabeth spends six hours on hair every morning, only to sit around the house all day

  • Elizabeth has resting disapproval face

  • Attempting to murder your father is a rite of passage

  • People care way too much about silver fountain pens

  • For all their wealth, there are only two phones in the Collinwood mansion, and they are 10 feet apart

  • No one asks who’s there before opening the front door to their isolated mansion

  • Being someone’s hired housekeeper is a lot like being someone’s wife

  • Maggie lies about the freshness of the diner’s mayonnaise

  • The hotspot in town is some dive bar that plays one song over and over

  • Being a 10 min walk from the cannery, the Evans’ house must reek to high heaven

  • Elizabeth is still paying off a 150 year-long mortgage on Collinwood

  • Room Service thinks Burke eats two steaks for dinner

  • Maggie is an expert on diesel engines, and that turns Joe on

  • Maggie is allowed 2 minutes of self-pity a day

  • David loves funerals

  • You just know there’s a secret closet full of decapitated puppies in David’s room

  • “What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?” sounds far more salacious than it turns out to be

  • Susie the Waitress won’t speak to customers

  • Roger always thought there was “something a little wrong with David”.

  • David can self-teach himself about car engines and tidal currents, but can’t learn what is the sum of 8 times 8.

  • Roger is a high-functioning alcoholic

  • Victoria plays the Foundling Sympathy Card a lot

  • Cold blowy nights are the best nights to have fun

  • Sam doesn’t want his daughter Maggie wasting her time hoping for something she’s unlikely to ever find, such as love or a happy ending.

  • Frank Garner is a champion of lost causes, such as Victoria Winters

  • Victoria thinks it’s a good idea to drink plenty of coffee before a long drive on a cold night

  • A Nor’easter usually lasts three days. It ended the next morning.

  • Lowland back roads are far less likely to be flooded than highland major highways

  • Victoria has clearly never seen inside of the Bridal suite at the Waldorf Astoria

  • Elizabeth doesn’t want anyone else but brother Roger aroused.

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  • Dr. Julia Hoffman is going under deep cover as a door-to-door genealogist
  • Burke is sure that Vicky needs a good time, and he's gonna give it to her
  • Carolyn is secretly seething that everyone gives gifts and attention to Vicky
  • No one will notice that Vicky is missing from Collinwood
  • Elizabeth knows Victoria would be safe spending the night with Barnabas
  • David gets a funny feeling when he secretly watches Victoria daydreaming
  • Burke is upset that Victoria spent the night with two other men
  • When Barnabas is asleep, he's simply dead to the world
  • Julia finds her time at Collinwood to be tedious and boring
  • Burke thinks that delusional beliefs such as dead people are actually alive is harmless
  • Victoria missed her calling in real estate marketing
  • Barnabas boasts that nothing and no one touches him
  • Sarah is ghosting David
  • Sarah is a lying brat who got Nurse Jackson fired and did abandon Maggie
  • Maggie walked 100 miles to Collinsport in about an hour
  • Barnabas' usual at the Blue Whale is a Bloody Mary
  • Even the jukebox was shocked into silence when Maggie appeared
  • Alerting Sam, Joe, and the police is a second thought to Burke
  • Sam wants to get this into Joe, but without much feeling
  • Brewing a pot of good coffee eludes the whole Evans family
  • For Joe, not knowing who to trust is always a concern
  • Maggie wants to return to her old life: being a hyper-critical nag
  • When Burke was a little boy, his father taught him the names of the stars: Lillian Gish, Clara Bow, and Fatty Arbuckle
  • Julia lies about returning borrowed books to the Collins' library
  • Victoria needs to start locking her damn bedroom door at night
  • Barnabas longs to live free among other men, to give and receive love
  • Elizabeth feels that Burke has changed; it's like he's a different person
  • Burke's engagement to Vicky means courting his own destruction
  • Joe can't think of a better way to spend time with Maggie than playing cards
  • Vicky thinks nothing of handing off her ward to a woman she barely knows
  • Julia abandons David and his stamps to go criticize Willie for being irresponsible
  • First Burke, now David -- Barnabas gets cloak-blocked at every turn
  • There's no need to alert a father that his 10 year old son has gone missing
  • Barnabas slept through the advent of Miranda rights and search warrants
  • Joe has no respect for other people's personal property
  • The grandfather clock randomly chimes at half past or quarter to the hour
  • Dr. Woodard estimates Sarah's 150 year old doll is roughly the same age as Julia
  • Joe thinks nothing of inviting people to Maggie's house without asking
  • Trapped David owes Barnabas a big apology for using his coffin as a bathroom
  • For someone with many ghost friends, David is oddly oblivious to Sarah's unearthliness
  • Barnabas feels endangered by David's arousal
  • Roger doesn't make David brush his teeth after eating right before bed
  • Dr. Woodard is not comforted by an old, excitable drunk brandishing a loaded gun
  • For 100 years, no one ever noticed the Collins Mausoleum is about 30 feet longer than it should be
  • David is frightened by the way Barnabas stares at him
  • Barnabas is preternaturally ambivalent about murdering Julia
  • Willie drinks at the Blue Whale while "on the clock" at work
  • Barnabas plans to kill Maggie tonight, when the moon passes behind those clowns.
  • Sam Evans likes little girls
  • Joe couldn't be bothered to protect Maggie on the night of the trap
  • Sarah really can't handle more than one person at a time
  • David dreams of Barnabas and his big, curved stick
  • Willie clings to life with a leech-like tenacity
  • Barnabas deeply regrets putting Willie on his insurance plan
  • Mrs. Hoffman wants to get David alone to resolve his curiosity
  • Elizabeth enters a room to ask if she can come in
  • The cemetery caretaker needs to adopt the Dewey decimal system
  • Roger shares parental custody of David with his sister Elizabeth
  • Creepy, confirmed bachelor Barnabas is sick of being the subject of innuendo
  • Julia needs to stop thinking like a woman and start thinking like a doctor
  • South America really isn't that far away from Maine
  • Mere weeks after her near-fatal abduction, Maggie is oblivious to unexpected people entering her house
  • Sam is greatly relieved that Dr. Woodard's death relieves him of paying Maggie's medical bills
  • Chain-smoking. pudgy, middle-aged Dr. Woodard's death by heart attack is extremely suspicious
  • Hearing of Dr. Woodard's death gives Julia horrible, horrible gas
  • Sheriff Patterson has no concerns about risking crime scene contamination

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