@DC44 said:

Hey all -

Just finished a short comedy film i wrote and directed. would LOVE any feedback if you can give a watch. Its a comedy so supposed to be funny but thats probably up for debate. Anyways if anyone has a spare 10 mins would love any feedback , good or bad. Looking for help as a new comedy film maker.

thanks guys!!

https://vimeo.com/297431570/93f610b809

I watched it. I'm not a huge fan of comedies so I may not be the best person to talk about this, but here it goes. The actors did a good job delivering their lines, you did a good job directing them. The guy (Andyconda) does fit the role, good casting there (only his tattoos were a little distracting). At the urinal, they spent too much time talking about Andy's penis, after a while it was no longer that funny. I also think that when the other guy comes out of the toilet, there should have been a "flushing" sound, I don't know if there was and I just missed it?... Adam and Andy should have heard the toilet flush... turned back to see the guy coming out... and that guy should have said something like... "I ain't showing you my dick"... or.... "No, you can't see my dick"... something like that, I think would have been funny to see him saying something like that before walking away.... The other thing... the restaurant was too dark... comedies are never this dark (lighting). I hope you like what I had to say.

Thanks so much for your reply Burt. I really appreciate the time you took to watch and also write out some feedback. Extremely invaluable to myself and I can't thank you enough. People like you help first time film makers get good at their craft so much appreciated. The fact that comedies aren't your thing makes me even more thankful that you managed to sit through the entire 10 minutes, thankyoi!

You mention the bathroom scene goes on for too long. Do you mind if I ask what you might cut out? m getting a lot of feedback that the bathroom scene is too long but Im unsure what parts are not funny and could be cut, hard to judge from a neutral place when Ive seen it so many times. Or more too the point what parts are funny so i guess i know which ones parent that could go.

Appreciate the rest of your feedback, Interesting that you say andys tattoos were distracting as they were actually fake tattoos but yes in hindsight they probably weren't needed if distracting. Also there is a flushing sound but thankyou for feedback as I obviously need to make that louder and try brighten the restrarant scene.

Thanks again I really appreciate your feedback- you're a good man Burt!

Best, David

@DC44 said:

Thanks so much for your reply Burt. I really appreciate the time you took to watch and also write out some feedback. Extremely invaluable to myself and I can't thank you enough. People like you help first time film makers get good at their craft so much appreciated. The fact that comedies aren't your thing makes me even more thankful that you managed to sit through the entire 10 minutes, thankyoi!

You mention the bathroom scene goes on for too long. Do you mind if I ask what you might cut out? m getting a lot of feedback that the bathroom scene is too long but Im unsure what parts are not funny and could be cut, hard to judge from a neutral place when Ive seen it so many times. Or more too the point what parts are funny so i guess i know which ones parent that could go.

Appreciate the rest of your feedback, Interesting that you say andys tattoos were distracting as they were actually fake tattoos but yes in hindsight they probably weren't needed if distracting. Also there is a flushing sound but thankyou for feedback as I obviously need to make that louder and try brighten the restrarant scene.

Thanks again I really appreciate your feedback- you're a good man Burt!

Best, David

Thank you David and thank you for listening. You need to know that I'm not an expert in this field so I don't think I should be advising you on how to write this movie. But if you really want my thoughts, I'll share them with you. I also think at the end of the day you would know how to re-write or shorten that scene, sometimes it happens just like that for writers... out of the blue something just clicks and everything comes together, I believe that will happen to you also... just wait and see. But for my opinion, not being an expert with this... I would say that after Adam yells "I'm not going to ask my girlfriend about your di•k".... it should end there, but I'm sure you'll have a more creative way of closing that scene. Thank you David... send me a link if you get to re-shoot your project.... (I don't want to sound cocky, but if you liked my feedback, I'm always available if you need me). I like short films after all. Have Fun Writing, Burt.