Hamilton (2025)

Written by CapreseMartini on March 23, 2025

I didn’t finish Hamilton. I didn’t want to. I didn’t need to. From the moment someone opened their mouth and started rapping about the Federalist Papers, I knew: this was not for me.

Impressive, I guess, but also exhausting. It’s like being stuck at a dinner party where everyone speaks in rhyming couplets and references the Constitution. I didn’t sign up for “Founding Fathers: The Talent Show.”

There’s a certain smugness to it all, too — that unbearable “we’re making history cool!” vibe that only makes it more unbearable. It’s like being trapped in a high school production with a million-dollar budget.

Hamilton is uniquely bad because it’s exactly the kind of thing a theater kid thinks is genius while everyone else in the room slowly loses the will to live.