The Garnetts are at the pub when they encounter a group of celebrities whom, inevitably, Alf insults – Black actor/singer Kenny Lynch, Liverpool comedian Jimmy Tarbuck, and tough guy Australian actor Ray Barrett, described by Alf as 'the man with the holes in his face' due to his scarred complexion. The meeting isn't exactly the most cordial.

Out of grudging respect for a late female neighbour he despised, Alf orders the telly off for the whole day. Mike informs Alf that his beloved West Ham will play Fulham, on telly that evening, but will Alf ultimately watch the Hammers 7-2 triumph?

Despite confiscating the local kids' football, Alf is invited by the vicar to act as youth soccer coach, attracting scorn from Mike. Needless to say, Alf is not a good trainer, concentrating on the skills of only one player, though he does attract the attention of some well-known players.

It's the summer of 1970 and voting day for the General Election. After casting his vote, Alf visits the pub and launches into a drunken tirade about Harold Wilson and the evils of Labour government.

Rita gives birth to a son and Alf, eventually – as he would rather be in the pub wetting the baby's head – visits her in hospital. Initial pride at seeing his grandson soon leads to an argument with Mike, who wants to call his son Michael Patrick – too IRA for Alf, who is also annoyed that the surname will be Rawlins, not Garnett, and the christening will take place in a Catholic church.

Alf has received a tax rebate and is celebrating by blowing it in the pub, where he hears about another regular's racing pigeons. Alf believes he's onto a winner by taking up the sport himself and takes a train to set the birds free, though inevitably, things don't go as planned.

Alf wants his grandson Michael to play for West Ham, and follow in the footsteps of his beloved Bobby Moore, so he whisks baby Michael away to watch 'The Hammers' at Upton Park, but an unpleasant welcome awaits on his return home.

Alf is bedridden, having slipped on Else's newly-polished floor and broken his leg. Bored with being stuck inside, he asks Else to push him in a wheelchair to the pub but it's too much for her and she forfeits. Some lads come to Alf's rescue and take him to his destination but not exactly in the best manner.

Princess Anne is set to marry Captain Mark Phillips, so Alf, loyal to the royal family, celebrates by organising a street party, complete with piano — but will anyone turn up?

Gran is very ill and Else is very concerned, while Alf is uncaring, they visit the sick old lady. Alf, believing Gran is not long for this world, pilfers her late husband's pocket-watch, but he is in for a shock.

Supreme male chauvinist pig Alf is put to the test when Else and Rita get drunk at the pub. Things get worse when he tangles with a blonde call girl.

While boozing at the pub, racist Alf makes Gran laugh by ridiculing the Pakistani, 'Paki-Paddy'. But the laughter screeches to a halt when Gran informs him the strangely half-Irish, half-Pakistani gentleman will be his new neighbour!

Alf is not a happy bigot; he's lost his job and returns to an empty and dark house. And all on his birthday too. He fears that he has been burgled but in fact the lights go on and friends and neighbors are ready to spring a happy birthday surprise on him.