Jealous of his friend's relationship with his athletic son, Bill tries to bond with Brian by helping him build a St. Patrick's Day parade float. Meanwhile, Lauren dreads the humiliation she's going to suffer when the uncoordinated Judy performs her Irish river dance at the parade.

When Lauren and her friends start hanging out in the Halversons' cool ""teen scene"" basement, Judy becomes jealous and starts a competition by creating a cooler teen hang-out in the Millers' garage. But when Bill discovers the real reason the neighborhood boys think the Millers' house is the better place to be, the Millers are forced to abandon their dream of being the neighborhood hangout and apologize to the Halversons for competing with them.

When a doctor diagnoses Lauren with depression, the teenager sees a golden opportunity to take advantage of the situation. Meanwhile, Brian is desperate to figure out a way to stop his parents from going on college tours with him just to check out the local bars.

Bill is irate when he catches Lauren's boyfriend sneaking out of the house after midnight. Following the incident, Bill decides to bond with Chris in order to gain his respect and ensure that the young man is less likely to disrespect his daughter. When Chris reveals to Bill that Lauren is the one who wants things to move faster, the Millers make a valiant attempt to put their parenting skills to work.

On a father-daughter outing to the mall, Bill and Lauren agree to lie to Judy about spending quality time together, and then split up to do their own things. Meanwhile, Judy's decision to try on Linda's wedding dress turns out to be a very bad one.

Brian is excited and filled with confidence when he receives instant messages from Lauren's hot tutor, Sarah, a smart college student. Bill encourages Brian to pursue her and ask her to the upcoming high school dance. However, just as Brian is about to make his move, his family once again manages to suck the joy out of the moment.

Brian and Lauren scheme to avoid Christmas chores and family togetherness, but when their plan works, they're not as happy as they thought they'd be.

Bill tries to become more involved in Lauren's life, but his constant digging into her life only serves to drive her further away.

Louise winning a car during a taping of Oprah puts a rift between her and Judy. Meanwhile, Brian and his meteorology club friends decide how to spend a club surplus.