Think you're smart enough to run for president? We here at Booze Lightyear definitely aren't. But we thought we'd say "fuck it' and give it a shot. Really though, who wouldn't want to be president? We were under the impression that presidents are allowed to make sex all the time, and that's pretty much our goal in life. Just lots and lots of presidential sex.

I shall not write a description for Booze Lightyear this week. Enjoy the 35 things you can't say to your children.

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Yup. Booze Lightyear is out there looking for employment again. So we went and did this job interview at this really cool place. Everyone was dressed in white and wore pointy wizard hats. They didn't call us in for a second interview yet, but our fingers are crossed.

Is it Gif or Gif?

This week Booze Lightyear takes on sluts. No, I don't mean we literally take on sluts. That would be gross and sexual and highly inappropriate for a video. What kind of people do you think we are? It's not like we're sluts or anything. Sure, we may have had sex with every other sketch group in town, but never on the first date. Okay, yes, we did it once on the first date, but we were really drunk and vulnerable.

Have you ever seen puppets go wild? We here at Booze Lightyear sure have. In fact, we're very used to seeing puppets going wild. This one time we saw Elmo snort a line of coke while he was humping one of the chicks from Fragile Rock. We asked him to stop, but then Fozzy Bear got in our face and asked us to stop ruining the party. We felt we could've taken Fozzy, but Grover was standing there and he's known to be a badass. So we backed down and let them have their party.

In this episode of Booze Lightyear, we examine some of the world's worst criminals. These guys are absolutely terrible at breaking the law. I ripped the tag off of a pillow once and cried myself to sleep that night because I thought I was going to get arrested for breaking the law. That was last week. Why do they put those tags there anyways if they don't want you to rip them off. What the hell kind of sadistic maniac would torture us like that? WE DEMAND TO BE ABLE TO RIP THE TAGS OFF OUR PILLOWS WHEN WE PLEASE, YOU BASTARDS!!! Sorry. That last bit was uncalled for.

This week on Booze Lightyear we stand in front of a green screen and crack jokes about moving images. I know, I know. It's a very novel idea. Well, we like to pioneer shit. Is that alright? Is that okay with you? You're not in charge of my life! Stop telling me what to do! I hate it here! I'm going to live with grandma!

Ever had to break up with your girlfriend? We here at Booze Lightyear sure have. In fact, we just found ourselves breaking up with your girlfriend last week. What a mess! She was sobbing and begging us to stay and stuff. It was awful. We'll make sure to never date your girlfriend again; that way we can avoid having to dump her again. Also, she farts in her sleep.

Awwwwwww yeahhhhh! Booze Lightyear is back with another video about break ups. We make breaking up look easy. Don't be fooled tho. We're lonely. Call us.