Hello, I am Hussein, and this is my family, the Husseins! This is a very big day for us. We have experienced a loss… but I negotiated a very cheap burial price! Go me. Tomorrow is already looking better!

Look how many candles we have! We are the most sad AND the least scary! There is nothing hidden in my halal cart. Trust us. Now.

The school election is just as important as the presidential election and only one of them is rigged. Soon my daughter will run the world! While my son wastes away. Inshallah.

Rumi, once they grow down there, they leave your head. I’m sorry son. It’s time for you to grow up. You will be a bald man by high school.

We love you Mr. Bush. Feel free to stay at our house, and torture our family. We cannot wait to visit this Guantanamo Bay! It sounds beautiful.