Covert work by Hank and the boys turns a befuddled groundskeeper into a hero when his field is credited with hampering opponents.

Hank's fight to correct an error on his driver's license is a red flag to newly patriotic Dale, who reports Hank as a threat to national security.

Hank's lapsed insurance policy puts him in an overprotective state, while Bill and Boomhauer carelessly experiment with deep-frying.

When Hank and Peggy try to clean up a historic Arlen landmark, they find out that the town was founded by harlots and was once a place of ill-repute. The new city manager uses the city's rediscovered history to turn the town into a tourist trap for the adult porn industry. Frustrated by the changes, Hank decides to move the family – that is, until he is aided by adult actress Candee.

An elderly woman who once lived in the Hills' house returns for the holidays--to die there. And that gives Dale a business idea.

Hank excitedly joins a new military program that allows civilians to adopt pets while G.I.s serve their tour of duty but the dog, Duke, turns out to be a mean-spirited cat.

Peggy follows Luanne onto a roller-derby team, where the tight-fisted owner prompts her to lead a revolt and form a team on borrowed money.

Peggy helps weather-girl Nancy fight back when she's replaced by a qualified meteorologist. Also, a boy barking like a dog scares Bobby.

John Redcorn tries to open a Native American gambling casino to provide a venue for his band, Big Mountain Fudgecake.

Dale dons a disguise to defy Arlen's smoking ban, and Peggy sets out to uncover his identity.

Kahn is accused of having become so assimilated that he's a "banana" -- the Asian equivalent of an "Oreo." To get back to his Laotian heritage, Kahn adopts a simple lifestyle and abandons the swimming pool his neighbors helped build.

Hank cringes when an employee with personal problems turns to him for solace.

Hank talks Bobby into joining the track team, but the spot the boy lands isn't what Hank had in mind.

Hank discovers that Dale and Boomhauer take yearly vacations together, and assumes that they are trying to avoid Bill. He invites his family and Bill along for a weekend at the beach, but during the trip, Hank realizes that his friends are actually trying to avoid him because he’s uptight and bossy. Peggy advises Hank to throw caution to the wind and have some fun with his buddies, but the results leave Hank and the guys overboard.

After Bill nurses Hank, Peggy and Bobby through the flu, he starts to feel lonely when there is no one else to take care of. Hank gets Bill to volunteer at a halfway house for alcoholics, and Bill invites the residents to stay with him. As more and more houseguests show up, Hank becomes determined to find them a permanent residence. Meanwhile, Peggy makes a promise to God that if she gets over the flu, she'll learn to ride a bike, and Bobby makes her keep her promise.

Hoping to get Bobby to stop cracking jokes in school, Hank enrolls Bobby in a clown class at the local community college. The pretentious instructor teaches Bobby classical comedic theory and sucks all the fun out of him.

In order to raise money to save the Tom Landry Middle School baseball program, Hank invites a Harlem Globetrotters-type softball team to compete against his community league Arlen Zephyrs. But Hank ruins the show by deciding to take the game seriously.

When Bobby attends the school's job shadow program, he winds up interning for Peter Sterling, a man who runs a pooper-scooper business. Bobby is so impressed by Peter that he decides to pursue the same career. Meanwhile, Hank is trying to train Joseph at Strickland Propane.

Bill finds happiness in a men's chorus, where the required devotion jeopardizes his Army career.

Hank gets sucked into Kahn's get-rich-quick scheme when Kahn buys the car wash that hosts car cruising on Friday nights. But Kahn wrecks the business by trying to cut corners, and gets bought out by Buck Strickland. Meanwhile, Peggy tries to figure out if Nancy is deliberately refusing to take her calls.

Buck Strickland embarks on a propane price war with Thatherton and two other rivals, and hires the guys from "American Chopper" to boost sales at the Propane Expo. When the 'war' goes too far, and the companies are all losing profit, Hank takes matters into his own hands, and calls a meeting. Unfortunately, the owners decide to 'price fix' and get caught. Meanwhile, Lucky and Luanne wait for Brownsville Station tickets, in line 6 days before tickets go on sale.

When Reverend Stroup gives the Hills' pew at the Arlen First Methodist Church to another family, Hank and his family decide to find another church. A slick pastor tries to bribe the Hills into worshipping at his Megachurch.