Lois must take drastic steps to discover which of her sons ruined the special dress she bought for an anniversary dinner with Hal.

Parallel stories pit Malcolm against a bullying, obnoxious new kid and Francis vies with his intimidating, military-school commandant, who's presenting sex-education lectures. Meanwhile, Hal takes heat after cutting down a tree.

Malcolm's cushy babysitting job provides relief from the trailer the family's using while their house is being fumigated, until Malcolm learns that the trust placed in him in his new position is strictly limited. Meanwhile, the military school's master key leads Francis to a corpse, for which he provides a proper send-off.

Malcolm sleeps over at Stevie's house and, appalled at his over-protected lifestyle, persuades him to sneak out to a strange, late-night escapade. Francis deals with hazing at military school. Reese tries to prove he's man enough to watch a scary movie.

Francis goes AWOL from military school to link up with his girlfriend, a ditsy doozy who's made him gaga.

Lois's firing prompts household economizing. Meanwhile, Francis delights in his honor-guard duty—at a teenage beauty pageant.

While Hal secretly takes the boys to the stock car races, Lois desperately searches for her missing paycheck. Francis at military school is keeping a boa constrictor as a pet.

Roller-skating lessons from Hal bug Malcolm, who rebels against dad's discipline while mom agonizes in bed from a backache she blames on Reese. Francis avoids his squad's survival weekend.