Bernice decides they're going to act together as a family. For their first activity together, she invites the neighbors over for the monthly meeting of the block association. When a home security expert shows up, his pitch gets Duckman to buy the most elaborate security system, the ""Interlopen Fuhrer 2000,"" which of course doesn't do the job and then Duckman fixes it...

The family makes plans to put Grandma-ma in a rest home. While taking her there, Duckman gets distracted and loses track of her. Grandma-ma embarks on a flatulent adventure and later when Cornfed and Duckman find her, she appears to be dead. Duckman makes the funeral arrangements.

Bernice, Duckmans sister-in-law, decides she wants to have a child of her own. After trying the dating scene she decides to give artificial insemination a go. Due to a mis-communication and over abundance of, er, 'product', the service gives her Duckmans 'donation'. Hilarity ensues as Duckman and Bernice are incompatible in every [in] conceivable way.

Duckman needs a new kidney. To get one requires a donation from a blood relative. He searches for his father, who he thought was cryogenically frozen. Instead he discovers that the man he thought was his father, wasn't. Using the power of the Microsoft Network (Blatant Plug!), the twins and Cornfed find where dad is currently living. Duckman and Cornfed travel there, only to find that his is a paranoid schizophrenic who's formed his own country.

Duckman purchases a mail-order bride, from Tetzloff; however, she's really a jungle savage. With Cornfed's help, they attempt to civilize her a'la My Fair Lady. He asks for her hand in marriage on a ""Surprise Proposals"" episode of Leeza and things go awry when the flashbulbs go off.